Funeral Terms



This section of our website will deal with an ever-evolving content of funeral and related issues. This area will soon be fully searchable and we hope will contain answers to any and all questions or concerns you might have.



We believe that a better understanding of what is involved in the funeral process and the options available, will allow you to make a much more informed decision saving both confusion and compounded grief at the time of a loss.



Embalming

This is probably one of the most popular question a funeral director gets asked.



Embalming and other types of preservation have been recorded in history as far back as the Egyptians. Back in those days, only the wealthy were embalmed, or "mummified", as it was known then. And history has shown that the Egyptian mummies were well preserved for thousands of years. Over the years the procedure has changed many times to what we now know as modern day embalming.



We use embalming today for two primary reasons - to allow adequate time between death and burial to observe social customs such as visitations and funeral services, and to prevent the spread of infection. Cosmetic work is often used for esthetic reasons.



Modern embalming now consists primarily of replacing the fluid through the arterial system with disinfecting fluid. Embalming is only required by law in certain cases.



Why do we embalm?

Embalming is primarily done to disinfect and preserve the remains. Disinfection is important for all who have to handle the remains, and for the public safety of our communities. Secondly, it has been a tradition to have a period of visitation of the remains. This is known as the wake or visitation hours. Friends and family gather to view the remains and pay tribute to a family member or friend that has died. We gather to console the family on their loss, and to express sympathy to them. There are constant changes going on chemically and physically within the remains that change the looks and other qualities that we are accustomed to seeing. Embalming acts as a hindrance to this, and gives us the time needed to pay respect and express our sympathies.



Burial

"Disposition" is the term used by the funeral industry to describe the final handling of the deceased's remains. Although your initial decision for the disposition of the body is between burial and cremation, there are several variations on each.

Whichever choice you make, the body will eventually return to its natural elements.



Burial Choices

If the body is buried:

• It can be interred (earth burial)
• It can be entombed in a crypt within a mausoleum (above-ground burial)
• It can be buried at sea



Why people choose burial

Although the trend is moving toward cremation, the majority of North Americans still choose to bury their dead and to be buried themselves. Here are some reasons you might choose burial.



1. Burial is traditional within your family, religious group, or geographical area. For instance, in the United States today, about 79 percent choose burial.
2. You do not like the idea of the body being "burned"; you prefer to have the body slowly return to the elements.
3. You want to erect a monument on the grave. Perhaps you want to visit the grave in the days to come, and you find a graveyard more appealing than say, a columbarium.



Decisions You Must Make If You Choose Burial

• Whether or not the body is to be embalmed
• Which kind of casket (or coffin) will house the body
• Whether to buy a casket, rent one, or build your own
• Whether or not the cemetery requires a vault or grave liner
• Which cemetery to use
• What kind of plot
• What to put on the gravestone



Cremation

Decomposition of the body in the earth (after burial) is the slow oxidation of the body tissues. Cremation, on the other hand, provides rapid oxidation.



No casket is legally required for cremation, just a simple container, which is strong enough to hold the body. This could be a box of rough boards, pressboard, or heavy cardboard.



Some crematories accept metal caskets; most require the container to be combustible.



Cremation Choices

If the body is cremated:

• The remains can be stored by the family
• You may take the remains in the simple cardboard box supplied by the crematory and distribute ("scatter") them over the land or water.
• The remains can be placed in a niche within a columbarium.
• The remains can be buried in the ground in a regular plot or in a smaller cremation plot.
• The remains can be entombed in a crypt within a mausoleum.



Why people choose cremation

In the United States, in 1972, only five percent chose cremation. That number had quintupled by 1999, with over 25% choosing cremation. The Cremation Association of North America predicts that by 2010, that figure will rise to 36%. In Canada, the rate is already over 42%; in Great Britain, 71%; and over 98% in Japan.

Those who choose cremation (for themselves or others) often hold the belief that it is better to honor the memory of the person, not the dead body.



Here are some other reasons you might choose cremation:

• Cremation is traditional in your family, religious group, or geographical area
• You prefer the body to be returned quickly and cleanly to the elements
• Many people believe that a cremated body becomes one with nature more quickly
• You have environmental concerns
• Perhaps you are worried about the use of valuable land for cemetery space, or believe it is wrong to fill the ground with materials that won't erode, such as metal coffins and concrete vaults
• You want to keep the costs down
• Selecting cremation does not mean, however, that you will have an inexpensive funeral
• You might still choose an expensive casket and/or a viewing, and/or decide to have the cremated remains buried in the ground or placed in a columbarium. These choices can bring your costs up to those of a traditional funeral



Decisions you must make if you choose cremation

• Who will do the cremation (a funeral home or a firm that specializes in direct cremation)
• Whether to use an urn or container
• What to do with the remains



If you are distributing the remains

Some jurisdictions have laws prohibiting the scattering of remains; others require a permit. Ask your funeral director.



Also, ask if there are any firms in your area that specialize in unique ways of distributing the remains, such as a plane to spread them over a mountain, or a ship to scatter them at sea.



Think of places that were especially loved by the deceased, close to home or far away. You can walk in the woods, by a favorite lake, or on the old family farm.



Be sure to ask permission if you want to use private property.



What about using the remains to create new life, by planting a tree? Some survivors choose to mix the remains with the soil in flower beds and rose gardens at home. Every time the roses bloom, you will be reminded of your loved one.



If you decide to do this, however, consider what will happen if, some day, you move away.



Visitation

A "viewing" means to have an open casket.



A "visitation" is when the body is laid out in the casket (which may be open or closed) before the service so that mourners may come to "visit."



A visitation offers a chance for people to "pay their final respects" to the deceased. Just as important, the visitation can be a time for mourners to meet and console each other in a more informal setting than at the funeral.



You can schedule a visitation for as little as half an hour on the day of the service, or it can last for several days before the service.

The visitation can be restricted to just close friends and family, or be open to the public. You can even have a combination of private and public hours.



Is there a special ceremony?

As part of the visitation, you can arrange a formal ceremony, an informal ceremony, or none at all. The formal ceremony might be a brief service with the saying of the rosary (for Catholics) or prayers for the dead led by a mourner or member of the clergy.

The term "wake" is sometimes used to describe the reception after the funeral or memorial service.



Traditionally, though, a wake means the friends and family keeping watch by the body before it is safely buried, especially through the night. (Hence the term "wake.") In some families, there is much drinking, feasting and storytelling during the vigil.



For those who are comfortable with it, an informal storytelling session can be a wonderful way to remember the person.



The stories don't all have to be solemn, nor do they all have to show the person as a saint. We often love people as much for their flaws as for their strengths.



Remember, too, that laughter is as much a sign of strong emotion as tears or anger.



And if the person had a good sense of humor, there are bound to be some funny stories.



This sharing can be a rich and powerful experience. You might even want to record this event to play it again later.



Memorial Services

A memorial service is a service without the body present and can vary in ceremony and procedures according to the community and religious affiliations. Some families prefer public visitations followed by a private or graveside service with a memorial service later at the church or funeral home.

Because the body is not present at the memorial, disposition may take place either before or after the service. You can hold a memorial service instead of a funeral, or in addition to it. For instance, you might have a funeral in the town where the person lived and died, and a memorial service later in the town where he/she grew up.

Meaningful Services

A funeral is so much more than a way to say goodbye; it's an opportunity to celebrate the life of someone special.

Today, a funeral can be as unique as the individual who is being honored. From simple touches like displaying personal photographs to events created around a favorite pastime, funerals can reflect any aspect of a person's life and personality.

Following are questions you can use to help you decide how to personalize a service:

• What did the person like to do?
• What was the person like as an individual?
• What was the person like as a professional?
• Was the person spiritual?
• Was the person proud of their heritage?

For additional ideas on personalizing a funeral, please contact your funeral director.



What did the person like to do?

Often people have hobbies that become more than just a casual pastime. Their activity could have been as much a part of who they were as their smile. Why not showcase that important part of their life during the funeral?

Incorporating a hobby can be as simple as:

• Displaying items used for their hobby; e.g. sports equipment, gardening tools, or collections.
• Personalizing the casket or urn with a symbol of their hobby.
• Displaying trophies or awards they won.
• Creating a picture board or presentation featuring pictures of them engaged in their hobby.
• Having someone speak about the person's passion for the hobby.

By adding these or other personal touches to a funeral, the service becomes a reflection of the person's life and personality.



What was the person like as an individual?

One way to enhance a funeral is by bringing a piece of the person's personality to life. Consider what made that person special, what made them who they were? Then find ways to link their individuality to traditional aspects of a funeral service.



As an example, an avid cowboy or cowgirl may want to ride off into the sunset one last time. Tasteful ways to honor their wish include:

• Using a covered wagon rather than a hearse
• Having their saddle and riding equipment displayed
• Playing western music
• Having their horse walk in the procession
• Having a barbecue after the service



Other themes you may want to consider:

• Military honors for a member of the armed forces
• Tailgate party for a sports enthusiast
• Harley-Davidson rally for the Harley owner



What was the person like as a professional?

Many people take great pride in their career. Perhaps they dedicated a lifetime to a profession that transformed into more than just a job. If this holds true for your loved one, you may want to consider ways to include their professional life into their funeral service.

Following are two examples of how you could incorporate a profession into a service.



For a teacher:

• Have the choir or band from the school perform during the visitation or service
• Encourage students to write essays about the person, which could be displayed
• Invite a past student to speak at the service



For a fire person/police officer:

• Incorporate any honors or traditions that their department has established
• Use fire trucks or police vehicles in the procession
• Have bagpipers play at the visitation or service
• Display their uniform and equipment



Was the person spiritual?

Through organized religion or personal beliefs, most people have some sense of spirituality in their life. Often those values are from the very core of who the person was in life. Therefore, you may feel it is important to incorporate the individual's sense of spirituality into their funeral service.



Following are ideas on how to incorporate spirituality into a funeral service:

• Hold the service at the person's parish or religious facility
• Have someone read excerpts from a key religious publication (i.e. Bible, Qur'an, etc)
• Decorate the funeral home with symbols of the person's faith
• Have the person's cremated remains scattered at a place of spiritual significance to them
• Read a prayer that touches on their key beliefs
• Include sacred music from the religion in the service